Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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