It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
