So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
