Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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