What did we do last night that was yellow?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
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kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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