you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
