dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
