You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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