i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
