farters have to be the big spoon...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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