I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
