Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
