Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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