are you so shy because you have an std?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
