Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
