guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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