I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
