either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
