I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
