Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
