this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
do herpes really smell.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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