batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
