he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
