My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
