remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
