Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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