Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
