I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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