I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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