I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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