She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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