just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
