Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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