I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
