He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
