Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
