Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
