i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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