I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
