worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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