we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
