just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
