is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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