Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
