dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize