I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
