New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
