please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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