she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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