dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
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