My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you never un-have a 4some
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
