She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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