That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
