...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So squirting runs in the family.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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