I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
