She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
