U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
