my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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