$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I looked at my own cervix.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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