just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
PANTIES FOUND
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