so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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