I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
