Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
