please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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