remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
