Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
