I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
