i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
